Don't Laugh

*** If your name is Jessica and you're my spooose, you don't need to read further. ***

After months of internet research, many visits to local bike shops and a few more craigslist options, I think I've narrowed down my search.

I want what is mostly referred to as a comfort hybrid. Ideally, 700c tires, riser bars, trigger shift, with a preference for rigid fork but suspension seatpost.

I'm being budget conscious but still want a bike that is a solid re-entry to bicycling.

If I buy new it's down to the Fuji Crosstown 3.0 (has suspension fork and 24 speeds) or the Raleigh Detour 4.5 (rigid with 8 speeds). It's so flat here, I'm not sure I'd need more the 8 speeds. They are the same price and after comparing components and price to the Treks, Specialized, Schwinn, Jamis, Giant, and Cannondale - these bikes fare a bit better. I think.

But now there's a Fuji Absolute DX on craigslist for half the cost of a new one. The thing is the Absolute is considered a performance hybrid, so it'll be lighter which is great, but has that flat handle bar, which is NOT good. Yet. Is it possible to put risers in or would that ruin the geometry of the bike and somehow fuck my back up?

I plan to take advantage of the local bike organization here and check out their classes on maintenance, it's a shop open to the public where space and and tools are provided for you to work/build your bike. I'd like to make a project out of it over the next year.

After not riding a bike for 18 years, I'm absolutely floored by the choices available. I'm also excited to experience a new way to see the city.

There are days, like today, when this city is alive. When the sun is shining and the breeze is perfect. When the buildings are magnificent and the people are friendly. When the parks are lush with so many flowers, birds and things to be discovered. After the tulips and lilacs have gone but others take their place - the purples and blues. When the fireflies arrive.

Today was a beautiful day. Just GLORIOUS! And I catch myself, still not believing that I live here. Like it's a dream and I take it in and sit with her, Chicago.

Say what you will about the frigid days of winter, but one day like today is worth a week of winter. Easy peasy.

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Just came out.

Welcome the to fold.

Today, in the office, we received an email advising that going forward Friday's will be business casual attire. Since the email came from the Executive Assistant "on behalf" of our new (female) Chief Underwriting Officer, I (stupidly) assumed my reply would be sent to the assistant. Who I have great relationship because we share a similar sense of humor.

My reply: "Oh how I love thee…. Thank you so very much!"

This message however was sent directly to the new CUO. The same one that I had not been formally introduced to until we ran into each other in the restroom about two months ago. For the sheer look of confusion on her face, I assured her that she was in the correct restroom. I've had no other interaction with her since then.

I tried to "recall" the message, which failed, of course. And this my friends, is, literally, the best thing that has happened all week.

When one purchases a nice digital camera and buys the additional two year warranty/guarantee from the retailer, you'd assume that should the camera become inoperable, for any reason, you'd be given a new camera. That assumption would be WRONG! The retailer will send it to the manufacturer, who will determine whether or not the camera is repairable or beyond repair. So, if the camera is, say dropped into a bucket full of water and industrial cleaners, when liquid is in the screen and drips out of the body itself, the retailer still will send it back to the manufacturer.

Once the manufacturer determines that the camera is not repairable, you can then have a replacement camera. But if the camera is now one year old and a newer model is available, you will be responsible for the difference in cost. Here's the real kicker though, even though you purchased a two year extended warranty/guarantee it will not apply to your new replaced camera. You will have to purchase a new warranty/guarantee for the new camera.

Given this logic, you might assume that since you already purchased a two year warranty/guarantee for initial camera and it fell into the one year range that the retailer should either pro-rate the cost for the now invalid warranty/guarantee or put it towards the replacement camera. Think they'll agree to that? We'll find out this weekend, maybe even tonight, but given my propensity for volatility this week I will not be the one dealing with the retailer. We will leave that task to my ever calm and diplomatic
beyonce'.

The End.

Our household has a date tomorrow (Sat) night at 8PM to watch HBO's "Grey Gardens" movie. My pals at HBO say Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore as Big and Little Edie are stellar and the movie includes pre-documentary storyline.

Wanna watch with? Come over, but be forewarned, we are all "staunch" fans and Kawika may bust out with his own Little Edie from time to time.

I bought 125 rewrite-able DVD's! I was supposed to get CD's. Where is the best place to get CDs? I want them able to be played in car CD players, I hate receiving burned CDs and then not being able to play it in the car. Is that a certian kind?

Would Costco have them? I know BestBuy would, but who is might have quality burnable CDs at reasonable price?

This may be a stupid question, but whatever, do you know where to get the best deal on Floralytes, ostrich feathers or beautiful beaded and fringed mini lamp shades at cost? Uh huh, that's what I thought.

Routine is good for me. So is my boyfriend Raymond. Don't be jealous either.

I'm a light sleeper and easily wake to my alarm. Today, I slept through the alarm. Slept through an hour of increasingly loud beeping. Then continued to sleep. Waking up only once my body told me it was time to rise. It was 10:45. I was expected in the office at 9:00.

I brought delicious tacos for my boss hoping she wouldn't be too upset. She wasn't.

I just feel like a loser because it's happened twice in the last month.

I've been ubber stressed for the last couple of months but thought I was claming considerably. Maybe my body just needed it, OR maybe something is getting ready to surface and my body/mind wants to sleep it away.

Anyways... I'm in a good mood. We'll see what surfaces, eh?

... I'm aboard the excitement train. Not the caboose, either.

Hey Chicago Performers, Theater Peoples...

I need a prop house. I've found a list of them, but there's just way too many for me to contact and visit.

I'm looking for 20's speakeasy props, table top candle lamps, wine barrels, old bottles, etc... any suggestions on which house would be the most cost effective? Or do you know anyone who works for one that could use business?

My favorite day of the week. The early evening part.

Missing Jessica today though.

I've been waiting for Discovery to show this series for over a year. They're airing it this week in HD. This series is just so amazing, beautiful and often brutal and too real for me. The images and sounds stick with me for weeks, the good and the bad.

All the while, ol' Riker curls next to me for warmth and Molly comes around for catnip. These cats of ours, one aging and one inbred, feast on alternating meals of tuna and salmon.

I wish I had a bigger TV,

Apparently, I've a roadrunner entity inside of me. One, with whom, the "Jet" part of me is supposed to dialog with for the next week.

She's playing the Chicago theater on April 24. I plan to get tickets at the box office - $30. Anyone interested? I saw her 2 years ago and she did not disappoint.

So, it does seem that queers love slow jamz. At least this queer does, but only the ones I can recognize. More importantly, there's a new bar in the neighborhood - that serves great cocktails and has live music 4-5 nights a week. Including fucking jazz trios. I'm ok with dive bars, but I like swanky-ish places especially when the music is chill. I like strong lines, lighting and mood. Asthetics. This place has good asthetics and clean bathrooms (which usually isn't the case with dive bars). They also served a Manhattan that's made with apple brandy. :o)

Would glory holes and bud filled hooka in the basement for "those in the know" and a firedancer would be a bit over the top?

Planning is getting out of control and I'm starting to envision these as reasonable "options."

Jess says my taking the ball and running with it is practical. She forgets what can happen when I'm left to my own devices. Idle hands, devils playground, and all that jazz.

I need a gin and vodka based classic cocktail. Sloe gin fizz? What say ye?

It's been one of those days that seems endless and stressful.

I ate in the lunchroom with a couple of co-workers and brought a crabby and dire attitude with me. After a few minutes, they were crabby and anxious too. By the end of lunch, I was feeling better and they were feeling worse. Misery loves company. To ease my guilt, I offered xanax freely.

Tonight, I'll traipse the neighborhood bars for empty booze bottles. Hopefully, they'll have held some for me so I don't have to dumpster dive.

I want a cocktail and I would love a massage and a hot tub. All three would be ideal, but I'll settle for a hot shower and clean sheets tonight.

In October I contacted several caterers for our Not-A-Wedding. We don't have a huge budget but we're not working with a tiny budget either, so I was concerned when most wouldn't even talk to me unless we were working with at least $15,000. I was given several "price indications" from $18,000-22,000 - no firm proposals were given and frankly, many of them didn't even return my calls. The $18,000 was 12 passed h'orderves ONLY, no meal and no booze. Pffffft!

Then we got excited because we found someone who said she could do amazing things within our budget, but she ended up blowing us off.

Next came David, a very nice man, who contacted us and arranged for a tasting immediately. The food was OK, nothing spectacular, but he offered several choices and seemed excited to work with us and came within the lower end of our budget. We figured the food doesn't have to be spectacular just needs to be decent and absorb the booze that'll be consumed. Besides, really, how often do you remember the food at an event? We mentioned him to the manager of our venue, she is very easy going and a pleasure to deal with, but after hearing who we chose as a caterer, her face contorted. She said he was very difficult to work with and while she has only banned one caterer from her venue she was considering banning him as well. That's pretty much all we needed to hear to drop him as our caterer.

It's difficult to explain to a caterer (who is most likely a chef) that food isn't the top priority but needs to be good. We're foodies but don't need foodie food served. We need good basic food served. Protein, vegetables, salad, starches/carb, h'orderves. It doesn't have to be fancy but good. Emphasis on good. Chefs want to talk about glazings, emulsions, reductions, leeks, seasonal organic edible flowers, free range goats milk cheeses, baby onions, etc.

After, two months of this, I became disappointed with the whole process and decided to put it off until the last couple of weeks. Planning this thing is not something I had intended to do, but with Jessica travelling, it's impossible for her to do. (Again, it should be noted that this is a very grand and romantic gesture!)

Now, that the economy has tanked. We are both fortunate to be working good jobs that should (knock wood) withstand this recession/depression. The caterers who could charge $20,000 for the last few years are severely affected by the economy. The "wedding industry" overall is hit pretty hard. There's a part of me that feels empathy for those who've lost jobs or lost their companies, but there's a part of me that knows food for 150 people should no way, no how, ever cost $20,000. Only maybe if you're serving prime rib, lobster, and blow jobs under the table - then I could understand.

Four months later, I've got caterers coming out of my ass. Slashing prices in half and meeting my budget requirements. Seems now, those who wouldn't go less than $80/per guest are now considering much much less. They're even including emulsions, reductions and desserts. Thing is my email box and cell is blowing up with their calls.

I think I'll have it down to three by next week. So far, the menus look pretty damn good and now it's time for the tastings. Tonight, Kawika and I are going to one of the better caterers in the city who gave a ginormous indication in October but now they're within our range. I guess there may be a gold lining in this recession for us… a kick ass party!

The End.

... who drink whiskey, bourbon, scotch or gin. I need your help.

Please drink up and give me your empty bottles. I will be happy to pick them up, or come over and help you finish a bottle(s). You are also invited to help drink mine empty. Currently, I have Woodford Reserve, Four Roses, and J.W. Somethingorother.

I need many bottles, I estimate in upwards of about 40-60. Clear bottles. Amber bottles. Brown bottles. Old bottles. New bottles. EMPTY BOTTLES!

I've hit up a few local bars and pubs and am hoping they'll hold some for me but most likely I'll be pilferring their trash bins. Ummmm, me in the trash... FOUL! and highly unusual, but it should be considered "romantic" for those in the know about such things.

So, next time you go to a party or are at a bar and I happen to come across your mind (I know it happens) just as someone is getting ready to toss a bottle... please.

Much thanks.

Also, call me before tossing any boas or feathery type items.